Seeing Clearly

I am home from the hospital now, and while it was nice to see the outside of the hospital for the first time since Christmas, it was the strangest feeling to walk out of those doors with all our bags and no baby. I couldn't help but remember all the excitement and to-do when we came home after Aliyah. I know it's useless to compare, but if it hadn't been for both of our families being there to welcome us home (and surprise me with a newly remodeled apartment-more details to come) I think I would have cried all night to think of us being home and him being there.
In the random, quiet moments where I've been able to just sit and try to absorb everything past, present, and future, I've come to terms with one very important thing. I realized that my whole life I have lived under an illusion that has made life "easier" and more difficult in many ways. The illusion is this: That since I know God wants me to be happy, I have a justifiable right to expect health, happiness, and prosperity from the world around me. The Truth? God wants me to find happiness in HIM, through the life I have been sent here to experience.
The reality of the matter is that Gavin is no different from Aliyah. There are no guarantees, only that regardless of what tomorrow brings, the Lord will be by our side. We must treasure, and be grateful for what we have today and work hard to abandon the illusion that keeps us from embracing the true source of our strength. We are still scared out of our skin for what the future could hold for our son, but we have been filled with such peace and assurance through so much prayer (ours and all of yours) that there is no doubt in our minds that regardless of what comes our way, everything will be alright. And that helps us see things just a little more clearly.

Gavin Update: Good news! He is officially off the ventilator and can have one of those little nose oxygen thingys now. He is also done with photo therapy (for jaundice) and shows no signs of infection so they are taking him off antibiotics. He is set to have an echocardiogram (heart scan) today to check and see if his ticker has closed off the hole that babies use in the womb. If not, he'll start medication for that soon. The main concern is still that his brain will continue to develop without any bleeding, so we pray for that. Over and out!