Everybody's Miracle

Having Gavin home has been absolutely wonderful, and life has settled into a type of normalcy that has allowed me to feel more like the mother of a newborn than the guardian of a time-bomb that might self destruct at any moment. With that subtle shift toward normal has also come the freedom to get irritated with some of his newborn quirks (like random nights of unrelenting crying, fussiness from gas, refusing to eat even when hungry.... you parents know the drill). There is no longer the persisting terror of, "what if we lost him today and I had wasted time feeling annoyed instead of just loving him?"
Last night was one of those frustrating nights, and as I sat rocking Gavin at 4:00 am, still not even in my PJ's, the irritation began to mount, until.... I remembered. I remembered staring down at him through the incubator as he screamed amidst the wires and wishing that I would give anything just to be able to hold him while he cried. I remembered being jealous of the nurses who got to hold him and knew how to comfort him when I didn't. But mostly, I remembered all of you. I remembered the face of every person who came to visit Gavin in the NICU and held him, or fed him, or just loved him. Without fail, as soon as we would place his tiny little body in your arms, there would be an almost reverent quiet and then, tears. Every time. Something about snuggling this little boy who never should have known life connected with that something in all of us that really and truly believes in miracles. That part of us that KNOWS that there is a God in Heaven who looks down on us and loves us more deeply than we can fathom. And the gentle in and out of Gavin's breathing is irrefutable proof of that love. I guess somewhere amidst the dirty diapers, spitup and sleepless nights, I let that slip away from me. I know that there will be countless days and nights of frustration, and that I will still get angry when he grows up and gets into trouble, but Gavin will always be my gentle reminder that life is the miracle, and love is what makes it possible. That miracle belongs to each of us and sometimes it just takes one tiny little baby to help us remember.

I'm an Honorary Holstein

Well it's official. The Dairy Farmers of America just stopped by this morning to let me know that they've been watching my progress, and today celebrated my 350th hour of pumping since Gavin was born. They presented me with a very nice certificate and some complimentary wheat-grass from the farm (the cows all tell them it's great for boosting milk supply...) to commemorate the event. They also let me know that once I've hit 500 hours, I'll be offered a job and my very own stall at a nearby farm. I think they're secretly hoping I won't go independent and put them out of business.... I thanked them for the offer but insisted that no amount of money could entice me to continue my milking career, only the needs of one adorable preemie. They left slightly disappointed, but at least I got to keep my certificate and the grass... :)

A Walk Down Memory Lane

As you have probably all guessed, we passed our last test, and Gavin was able to come home as planned on Monday. We packed our car full of the gear we had acquired during our 2 1/2 month stay and added to it all the oxygen and monitor equipment we would need to keep Gavin safe at home. We got in the car and I remembered the night we drove home 3 days after giving birth to Gavin. It was so horrible having already been through so much and leaving empty-handed, not knowing if I would ever walk back through those doors with a baby in my arms. But the Lord has blessed us so amazingly, and we truly don't deserve to have his precious little spirit in our home, and are grateful that the Lord is gracious enough to give us more than we deserve! :) So in honor of this momentous occasion, let us take a stroll down memory lane.....

Here's our man a few hours after he was born

Graduated to the hideous Nasal C-pap-
Our son the Elephant Boy










On to the Nasal Canula, and lookin good!
He was already one month old and had
grown a ton, but still so tiny!











I think we brought home the
whole unit!














Together at last!










On the road!

Home Sweet Home

Right now I am blogging through half-shut eyes in apartment 1 on the NICU floor. Tonight is the last night Gavin will spend in the only home he has known during the two and a half months of his life. We must run this last gauntlet of proving we can handle him and all his gear by sleeping here in the hospital in a room with him and seeing how we do. It's been about 2 hours so far, and the monitors have gone off twice already. Talk about a heart attack. The alarm emits a high pitched beeping I'm sure can be heard in the outer reaches of space. I wonder how long the Richman's (our next door neighbors with whom we share a bedroom wall) will be on speaking terms with us after we bring our little time-bomb home. Troy is under quarantine at home with a fever tonight and I am doing my best not to crash and burn on my own over here. I can't wait to get started on having a somewhat normal life again, but the responsibility of everything that entails is overwhelming when I spend too much time thinking about it. We have come so far, and still have a lifetime to go (which is more than we thought possible at times) and it all begins tomorrow! Wish us luck!

Hurry Up and Wait

That's what we're doing this week. This past weekend, Gavin's doctor decided to try and expedite his checkout process to get him home by Tuesday (today). Things were going swimmingly for Gavin but Troy and I were struggling to keep our heads above water getting everything ready and just right for him to come home. Who knew we still had so much to do?! We had moved into the second to last phase before coming home when Gavin decided he'd had enough. All the back-to-back feedings had really pooped him out and he finally put his foot down about all this rushing around to get him out of the NICU. He decided to set his own pace regardless of what everyone else thought, and he's sticking to it. So, until our little man lets us know otherwise, we are back on the original schedule for him to come home sometime next week. Maybe he could sense that all the fantastic stuff he got from the shower this weekend (Thank you everybody!!!!) still hadn't found a home in our apartment and wanted to make sure things were in tip-top shape before gracing us with his permanent presence :)

2 Months!

I really can't believe it has been 2 months since Gavin was born and we took up residence in the NICU. To be honest, it has been a blur of events and non-events that seem to all run into one eternal day. It is strange to think that we are fast approaching life with Gavin outside the NICU, and I admit I am getting that "deer-in-the-headlights" feeling already :) All you mothers of 2 out there, fill me in on what has been most helpful for your sanity and maybe I can get through this without needed psychological intervention :) Ha ha!

You're Invited!

This Saturday my sweet friend Elizabeth Michalek is hosting an open house to celebrate Gavin and help get us ready for him to come home, and you're all invited!

P.S. Elizabeth's husband Santiago created this cute invitation for us. Thanks Santi!

Sweet Home California

My beautiful, fantastic, wonderful mom treated me this weekend to a few carefree days in my old stomping grounds in So Cal. Even though I unfortunately dragged the cold Utah weather with me, it has been so nice to just relax and enjoy myself. Yesterday me and my sister Sarah spent the day at Knotts Berry Farm and had a blast! We went on tons of rides (even the scary ones!) and stuffed our faces (literally!) with comfort foods. I love having a sister that I can have so much fun with and get my silly side out for some exercise :) We also got to spend some time with the girls, hanging out with my Aunt Linda, Aunt Irene, and cousins Terra, Lauren and Alyssa. I just wish I lived closer to those amazing ladies! Seeing as I was in serious need of some good laughs, this trip couldn't have come at a better time!









It was also due to the insistence of one of my cousins that I fell in love with my new favorite dessert food..... PINK BERRY!!!! Holy Shamoley that stuff is heaven. We ate it three times in the 4 days we were there!