At last!

Well, this weekend we finally got to hold Gavin! They practically put us in Hazmat suits to lessen the contamination factor, but it felt so good to hold him in my arms and see his little face up close. It was kind of awkward with all the wires and tubes but I'm sure we'll be old pros in a week or two. It was also a little weird to be holding MY baby and having another lady tell me what he likes and doesn't like. It's just like everything else in the NICU, you love it and hate it. I love that the nurses take such good care of Gavin and are so emotionally invested in his well-being, but I hate that he has other "mommies" that know him better than I do! Grrrr.... Oh well, all in good time, right? Oh, and a funny thing he is doing right now, he is temporarily back on the nasal C-Pap (the apnea type machine) and the air flow down his trachea from it makes him have tons of thick gooey spit. So a lot of times when he opens his mouth, the air from the c-pap blows out and blows these big bubbles out of his mouth! It is so funny to see this cute baby with bubbles coming out of his mouth :) Love my boy!

How much is that Baby in the window?

Trips to the hospital lately have reminded me of when I was a little girl, and I used to squish my nose to the glass of the local pet store and stare wistfully at the puppies and kittens I wanted so badly to take home with me. Many years have passed since then, but not much has changed. Every day I go to the hospital, ride to the 5th floor, walk down the hall, and squish my nose to the glass outside Gavin's incubator area. He is looking so good these days! They have him in a little preemie kimono robe and he looks so cute. He also has his face back now that they have been able to take him off the ventilator and the billy lights. My parents went in to see him the other day and were amazed at how well he is doing and how good he looks now. I have been tempted to go in and see him, and some nurses have told me that I should be ok to go in, but I am terrified to risk getting him sick. Another preemie in the NICU was life-flighted to Primaries the other day because he caught RSV from someone visiting the NICU. Last we heard, they weren't sure he was going to make it. So, paranoid or not, I think I will stick to "window shopping" until things have cleared up around our house :) (This picture is courtesy of a very nice nurse who took my camera in and snapped some photos of Gavin for me so I could see him "up close")

Crossing our Fingers

This is mostly to update everybody on Gavin, so it wont be long :) Gavin is doing SO good! After everything that happened last week, he is bouncing back better than anyone even thought possible, and we are crossing our fingers that things will stay that way. Saturday night they took him off of the ventilator and instead of putting him on the nasal c-pap (more or less a miniature sleep apnea type setup) and put him straight on a nasal cannula (the little under-the-nose tube thing you usually see people with). That is a huge step, since the next step after that is for him to be completely off respiratory assistance. They have upped his feedings and he is gaining weight. He now weighs in at 2 lbs 6 oz and is looking more like a real baby and less like ET every day :) They even have him bundled up in a blanket now and he looks so much more comfortable that way! As soon as Aliyah is not contagious anymore and Troy is over his sickness, we get to hold him!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!

Life is an occasion- Rise to it!

That is my favorite line from the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium . Last night Troy could tell that I was feeling a little depressed (two days ago Aliyah came down with croupe and yesterday I was out of commission with a breast infection) and since Aliyah was being taken care of by my wonderful mother-in-law so I could take it easy, he took me out to a movie. This movie was exactly what I needed- a story about magic and joy and believing in yourself- needless to say, I loved it. So, if you're in the mood for some fantastic nonsense and the deeper meanings of Mr. Magorium's babblings, this is the flick for you.

Gavin Update: Well, it looks like we've come back up on our medical roller coaster ride! Gavin has demonstrated no signs of the level of illness he should have from the ecoli, and that has led the doctors to believe that his blood sample may have been contaminated somehow in the testing process (in other words, they DON'T think he has ecoli). They are treating him for it anyway, but he does not appear to be sick. He is on two antibiotics for the pneumonia and is doing so well that they are having a hard time finding any traces of it in his fluids. He does still have a lot of fluid in his lungs so they are not going to take him off the ventilator just yet, but once again they are telling us that his progress through all of this is remarkable. He really is our little fighter! (Thanks for the baby boxing gloves Janean!)

In Other News...

For those of you who might be wondering, we do still have a daughter named Aliyah. :) She has been such a trooper through this whole thing, spending two weeks living with her Aunt Tresa and Grandmas Laurie and Carolyn. It was so hard to be away from her for such a long time and I am just eating up her hugs and kisses now that she is home.

In other good news, we got our new car yesterday!!!! Troy spent weeks (literally!) looking for the best deal on a car that would suit our needs and he got a killer deal on this Chevy Malibu Maxx. He is the hero for doing such an AWESOME job! My favorite feature? Remote start. Oh yeah. No more sitting in a freezing cold car waiting for the engine to heat up! Hooray!

Gavin Update: Well, it's not quite the good news we had been hoping for today. It looks like Gavin has pneumonia (NICU babies rarely avoid it, it's very common) but the new concern is that they found Ecoli in his blood. I guess there is an antibiotic that treats ecoli specifically, so it should be taken care of quickly, but as with everything it is impossible to tell how it will affect his body. Hopefully there will be better news soon :)

Our first step back

Well, after more than a week of nothing but progress, we have finally taken our first step back. Yesterday while we visited, Gavin seemed uncomfortable and was fidgety and grouchy. Then when I was with him last night, his oxygen levels dropped precariously and after testing some other options, they finally switched him back to the ventilator. His little upset body seemed to relax after that, and we had been expecting to go back and forth on the ventilator so we weren't too worried and called it a night. Unfortunately, the actual problem was a little bit more serious than we realized. His pic line is a line that goes in through his hand and up his arm into a vessel just above his heart. For an unknown reason, the pic had either punctured or ruptured the vessel and the fluid that was supposed to be going through the vessel had begun to fill the cavity surrounding his lungs. Once that was discovered, they removed the pic and used a needle and syringe to extract the fluid from his chest. He is recovering well from the incident, but they let us know that it would take about a week for his body to really recuperate from the overall trauma. It is a little daunting that a week of progress can be so quickly undone in one day, but we knew that this is how it would be so we just keep plugging along through the ups and downs. When all is said and done, we just have to count our blessings and hope for a better day tomorrow! :)

Santa's Elves

Santa's Elves made a belated visit to our apartment this year, and boy did they out-do themselves! When I was admitted to the hospital to wait until Gavin was born, I thought about how difficult it would be to arrange for everything to be ready for another baby from my hospital bed. At that time, I thought I still had weeks, if not months to make that happen. So when Gavin was born 10 short days later and no arrangements had yet been made, the Mom Squad took over. Troy's mom Carolyn unleashed her Design Star self on our little apartment and both of our families (and some neighbors) busted out a 2-day remodel that would make Ty Pennington jealous. When we came home from the hospital it was like coming home to a brand new house! I don't have any pictures of what our apartment looked like before, but imagine (if you dare!) dingy white walls in every room with blue flower wallpaper in the kitchen and room for only one baby in the closet/Aliyah's room. Big thanks to Carolyn, Laurie, James, Angie, Sarah, Michael, Ryan, & Tiffany (and anyone else I don't know of who lent a helping hand!)

Gavin Update: Things continue to go well with Gavin. His echocardiogram showed that the valve in his heart has closed and is no longer a concern. They removed one of his umbilical lines and put in a Pic (sp?) line in his hand. It's kind of like an IV. They have him on caffiene to help stimulate the part of his brain that reminds you to breathe, but hopefully he will be able to come off that soon. As was to be expected from the beginning, he had to have a transfusion today to replace the blood that they have to draw for testing. His teeny body still isn't up to making more blood so the transfusion should help. Everyone in the NICU keeps telling us how exceptional he is to be doing so well, and there are babies all around that have been there much longer and haven't come as far as Gavin. Even though he is doing so well, it's still hard to see him with the additional wires for the pic line and everything else. I'll post more pictures tomorrow or Monday to give you an idea.

Seeing Clearly

I am home from the hospital now, and while it was nice to see the outside of the hospital for the first time since Christmas, it was the strangest feeling to walk out of those doors with all our bags and no baby. I couldn't help but remember all the excitement and to-do when we came home after Aliyah. I know it's useless to compare, but if it hadn't been for both of our families being there to welcome us home (and surprise me with a newly remodeled apartment-more details to come) I think I would have cried all night to think of us being home and him being there.
In the random, quiet moments where I've been able to just sit and try to absorb everything past, present, and future, I've come to terms with one very important thing. I realized that my whole life I have lived under an illusion that has made life "easier" and more difficult in many ways. The illusion is this: That since I know God wants me to be happy, I have a justifiable right to expect health, happiness, and prosperity from the world around me. The Truth? God wants me to find happiness in HIM, through the life I have been sent here to experience.
The reality of the matter is that Gavin is no different from Aliyah. There are no guarantees, only that regardless of what tomorrow brings, the Lord will be by our side. We must treasure, and be grateful for what we have today and work hard to abandon the illusion that keeps us from embracing the true source of our strength. We are still scared out of our skin for what the future could hold for our son, but we have been filled with such peace and assurance through so much prayer (ours and all of yours) that there is no doubt in our minds that regardless of what comes our way, everything will be alright. And that helps us see things just a little more clearly.

Gavin Update: Good news! He is officially off the ventilator and can have one of those little nose oxygen thingys now. He is also done with photo therapy (for jaundice) and shows no signs of infection so they are taking him off antibiotics. He is set to have an echocardiogram (heart scan) today to check and see if his ticker has closed off the hole that babies use in the womb. If not, he'll start medication for that soon. The main concern is still that his brain will continue to develop without any bleeding, so we pray for that. Over and out!

A Thousand Words

Troy & Gavin

To put size into perspective, that is a

Bandaid wrapped around his right arm

His first bath- and boy is he mad :)

Gavin's new home

Gavin Richardson

Born January 5, 2008

4:50 pm

2 lbs, 1 oz

Update: While the doctors and nurses in the NICU are very careful to remind us that we are far from being in the clear, we are told time and time again that he is doing unusually well for a baby of his size and age. He had an ultrasound on his brain today to check for bleeding or other damage (from the accident or delivery) and we were so relieved when they let us know that they found no sign of either. Again, they reminded us that some problems cannot be seen until they show up developmentally later on, but every test that comes back positive is a very good sign. Like his sister, he seems to be a Richardson through and through because he is so energetic and wiggly that they have had to sedate him twice to keep him from accidentally pulling out his tubes with all his movement. It's hard not being able to hold him or even really touch him, but our gratitude at his being alive outweighs our dissappointment. We are so grateful for the amazing technology and staff that make it possible for him to have a chance at life, and we feel so much peace knowing that he is well taken care of in the Lord's hands.

Its a Boy

As you know Melissa was having contractions all day about 10-15 min apart and then about 4:30 I was sitting in the foyer with some family and her mom went and checked on her, we were taking turns checking on her every 10 min or so while she slept. All of the sudden she ran out saying she was about to have the baby, so we ran in and her contractions were really big and the baby was “ready plus 2” what ever that meant. The nurses threw me a robe and a cap and said were going into the O.R. and they wheeled her bed in to the O.R. and waited 10 min for the doctor to get there while they gave her an epidural. The doctor came in and checked the baby and his head was about coming out, so they told her to push and the baby came out in 2 pushes because he was so small. Time 4:55. I cut the umbilical and they handed the baby off to some specialist to keep him alive. They had to do a lot of stuff to our little boy to help him breath and control his heart rate and who knows what ever all the other tubes were that they had around him or in him to help out.
He weighed in around 1lb 15oz very small and stabilized very quickly. They took him in to the newborn I.C.U. and hooked him up to about 5 machines and in an incubator where he will more than likely have to stay in until his due date which is April 6th All the doctors say he is doing so good and looks really good as well. They did talk to us about risks that he can face which isn’t a low possibility so that is our biggest worry right now. We hope that he can stay healthy and not have any permanent damages. First 3 days are the most critical.
Melissa is doing so great and is recovering perfectly so we ask those praying for us to pray for our little Boy which finally got a name. GAVIN. No middle name yet.
Thanks every one for your cares and prayers we really appreciate it.
Troy and Melissa

A Turn of Events

Well, Late last night Melissa started having abdominal pains to the point she couldn’t sleep. Then this morning those pains became a lot stronger and we were able to see that they were contractions, so they did try to give her a medication to slow down the contractions, but it was not working. After a few hours of these contractions the doctor told us that her body was going into labor and it would be to dangerous to stop the labor incase it was infection or a few other factors. So we just got the word from the doctor that she is 99% sure that she is going to deliver today. With every contraction the baby’s heart rate is dropping from 150 beats per min to 55 beats per min. She is having contractions every 15min and they are not sure if she is dilating, they don’t want to check her it could raise the risk of infection, if she decides to stop going into labor. So now we are just waiting for the labor to progress to a point where she still might be able to deliver the baby vaginally and not do a C-section. But if the heart rate is continually dropping like this they will probably do a C-section.
So those of you praying for us have a prayer for the baby now because he will not be in Melissa much longer and that increases his chances of having permanent damages at this young of age.
We will update if anything else big happens or when the baby comes thanks for your prayers.
Troy and Melissa

Little Milestones

Well, today was a milestone in a couple ways. First of all, today marks one week that I've been in the hospital. If you asked me when we got here, I never would have thought that I would make it even this far. I was sure that either the baby would be born or I would throw myself out a window by now. :) Seriously getting over the initial hump of physical misery and mental boredom was huge. But the transfusion did wonders for my feel-good factor and I'm starting to feel more myself again. This is going to sound totally stupid, but I never realized how much of a part your blood plays in absolutely everything in your body. I mean, I've taken biology so my brain knows the logistics of it, but I never truly understood that it is utterly impossible for any part of your body to do its job or feel good without enough blood. It was weird and really gross to have these bags of blood hanging over my head and running into my hand, but I'm so glad that we live in a place where clean blood is readily available!

Milestone #2: I took a SHOWER today!!!!!! Seeing as the last time I showered was CHRISTMAS, it was long overdue. They were too afraid that being up for that long of time would be harmful for the baby, so I was only allowed random sponge baths. So today, I stood in the hot water and sang for the whole floor to hear. Never in my life have I done anything so completely luxurious. Granted, I was only allowed 5 minutes, but it was heaven. If the Lord was looking for a way to help me count my many blessings, he has outdone himself. :)

I have said it before and i will for sure say it again, but our greatest blessing has been all of you. In situations like this, I know that it is frustrating that there is so little that can physically be done to help, but this horrible experience would have seemed beyond our strength had it not been for our friends and family. I am not exagerating when I say that we can literally feel your prayers and are lifted by your support. Even the smallest things like text messages and blog comments are the cheerleading section that keep us going. For me especially, (a mothering control freak) knowing that there are so many people looking out for my family and my husband allows me to feel the peace I need to recover. A million thank you's!

Checking In

Hello everyone, I'm taking advantage of a few minutes of feelin' good to just check in and say hello (this is Melissa speaking by the way). First of all I want to let you all know how much it has meant to us to receive so much love and support via prayers, fasts, visits, calls and blog comments. It is so nice to lay back at the end of a rough day and have Troy read me your sweet comments. Things are still very much up in the air as we daily wait for my body to stablize some more. Today they finally broke down and gave me a transfusion, and hopefully that will help me recuperate faster. I am looking forward to every little milestone, and your prayers really make it that much easier to be patient and allow the Lord to work in our lives in his own good time. We love you all!