How to Properly Terrorize your Child

If you want to really terrorize a perfectly happy child, you have to do it just right. With kids, there is a fine line between terror and fun, and if you aren't careful what is meant to be a terrifying experience might turn out to be the best fun they ever had. But if you follow our six easy steps, we guarantee that terror will ensue.

1. Tell the child you are taking them somewhere to play and have fun. This will get them excited and eliminate all suspicion from their minds.
2. Drive to Kangaroo Zoo in Pleasant Grove, and make sure the child falls soundly asleep in the car on the way. This will add to their false sense of security.
3. Attempt to wake sleeping child in car. Remember: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Finally, resort to hauling limp, sleeping child into building.
4. Pay $5.00 and remove shoes from now semi-concious child.
5. This is the critical stage: Run the confused kid to the nearest (and scariest) slide available. (It helps if it is either so tall you need a couple of Sherpas to get to the top, or scary enough to rival their wildest nightmare. The bigger the teeth, the better. ) Then, before they are conscious enought to protest, send them down the slide at greased lightning speed.
6. Repeat as many times as is necessary to determine that no fun is being had by anyone present, or at least until the child clings immovably to your leg and will say nothing but "Scary Slide!" Then you know your work is done.

Well, we hope these tips work for you. It's very useful information that we discovered by mistake while actually trying to have fun with our kid. Go figure. At least now we have something to hang over her head when she's bad: "If you do that one more time, we'll take you back to have fun on the slide!" Muahahaha! (evil laughter....)